It might be productive for me to write about something of use.... but that's not today.
I'm so bored right now or else i really wouldn't be leaving a journal
.... things of the romantic aspect are seeming quite doomed.
other things are fine, if not then doing better.
i need to like go away for a looooooooooong time. a vacation. in my backyard? i'll build a fort and pretend to be mute and deaf. maybe then the demons will cease and desist. always get alittle antsy around this time of the year. but it's senior year, and things have changed soooooooooo much in the past three years. i don't know how i honestly lived through it. ever had that feeling where your happy, and something changes you? and it makes you a better person... even though your not as happy as before? that's how i feel. i like who i am better, but am starting to dread where i'm at. and then when truly terrible things happen... and you can't help but admit that if it hadn't happened things would be worse. in a way things are better, certain catastrophes are avoided, certain lives spared. but still at the expense of other peoples sanity. i could show you a lifetime of examples. i'll stop rambling on about the past and start about the present. it feels like their might be a big change coming soon, bianka knows what i mean it's not a sex change.... that would require lesboness... and i'm sorry but i just don't think of you that way darlin. i might get flirty once in a while but i promise you it is innocent. i needa make myself work on all that art i started and never finished. like i said i'm bored... yet eager to get home... why? i don't know. i wont do anything really important. plant some flowers. eat some food. laze around. i wish i could be do nothing and yet still have fun like last week was. doing less than even those around me doing nothing. i'm going to beg my dad for us to start fixing up the house, make things alittle more presentable to peers. after all summer is coming school is no longer an excuse for my sad domicile that's seen too many things die.